And then Dan said:

Now that I walk to work, I try to avoid going on the tube at all. And some lines I never use(d) anyway. That said, here’s my order (main offender at the top, pettiness fully indulged):

Hammersmith & City (this line made me late for work every single day that I used it, unreliable and last in any queue to cross a junction)

Northern (general hatred)

Central (much too busy, drivers recklessly fast causing me to bang my head almost every time)

Waterloo & City (only used on Fridays after work, full of commuters, and therefore wretched)

District (always stops in the tunnel for 5-10 mins before getting to Tower Hill)

East London (although smells like people eating kebabs and then defecating)

Jubilee (although smells like people sleeping rough)

Circle

Metropolitan

[Victoria - Piccadilly - Bakerloo - DLR… never really use these, so have left them out]

The Metropolitan line has always served me well. It’s regular, reliable, generally quick and painless to use. It therefore is my favourite.

Thank you.

And then Neil said:

Northern line worst- cramped, badly laid out, hot, smelly, overcrowded. Central always busy. Bakerloo line smelly and noisy. Central, District, H&C unreliable and slow. Victoria, Jubilee, Metropolitan generally pretty good- fast, not over-crowded, tend to run most of the time.

And then Dan said:

Christ, that was concise. Kudos, Neil.

And then tom said:

my main problem is with the Northern Line and the Piccadilly Line, the Bakerloo line is too hot and dusty and in the middle of town the Central line is too busy but it’s the Northern line and piccadilly line for which my darkest hate is reserved. The number of times I’ve been stuck somewhere between South Kensington and Green Park with my face in some fat fuckers armpit means that I will go out of my way to avoid the Piccadilly Line. Luckily for most londeners its definately a tourist line.

And then lish said:

i use the tube rarely these days as Stokey doesn’t have a station but i would say Neil is right on the money.

And then syrupalex said:

Goddamn it you evil wretches. Can’t take the heat. Hail the Northern Line - back in the womb, praise to the victoria line - like a trickling stream, worship the bakerloo line and the ponces who use it, and props to the picadilly line too. It’s those stinking, dire, SLOW fucking lines that even break through to the surface near the centre. Syllables tha creak in their own impotence ‘Circ’, ‘Ham’ and ‘Tan’ - those are the lines we should be hating.

And then nick talbot said:

Clearly the Northern Line is the most loathed. Whenever I come to London I use the Circle from Paddington then the Northern to Kentish Town. A strange sense of collective dread descends when one steps onto the Northern Line platforms. This is for mysical reasons. On tube maps the Northern Line is pictured as a black, oily vein infecting and devouring its way up the spine of the city. It’s the sort of thing Ian Sinclair writes entire books about. It’s probably built on one of the seven gates of hell or something. Does it go under Billingsgate (Belin’s Gate)? That would make sense. Either way, if they just changed the colour I’m sure it would sort out all the technical difficulties. Maybe Livingstone sould employ a Colour Therapist to replan the Tube, all at the tax-payer’s expense.

And then Neil said:

Going by that, I suppose the BAkerloo would be a sewer, the Central a varicose vein- any more suggestions?

And then Dan said:

I suppose the Hammersmith and City coud be some kind of deformed cock.

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